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Monday, January 31, 2011

Why Does Thou Tempt Me 2

Trust me when I say that I'm not surprised that I would have a increase of boldness in being approached by men as I have increased my boldness in abstinence and the encouragement thereof.   So when I received a text message from an old boyfriend this weekend, I wasn't surprised or shocked.

Now mind you I haven't seen or been with this person in almost two years, he is actually currently engaged and about to be married.  (doesn't that always happen)

As I lay down in my bed and I hear the sound of frogs ****insert sound affect.  (my ringtone for txt) I pick up my phone and first wondered who it was since it showed a number and not a name.  You know how that goes, you erase them, but clearly he didn't erase me.

Then I see the text which reads "I miss you and want to ****"    I will leave the rest to your imagination.

I send a response of who is this?  I get a response of wow have you erased me so easily?  This is Blank.  

My response:  I erased you long ago and you should erase me, especially since your getting married.

His response:  Oh I could never erase you

My response: Please try

His response:  Oh like that?

My response:  Yes like that

His response:  Well I miss you, can we just watch a movie or something.  I need to talk to you.

My response: No that won't work for me, It's not appropriate anymore, besides you have no intention on watching anything.

His response:  I promise I'll be good

My response:  Go to bed, this moment will pass.  Go get your fiance, that's what she's for and leave me alone

His response:  Ok, if that's how you feel

My response:  Yes that's how I feel, goodnite

Now in this case familiarity and comfort could have easily led to disaster.  I must say the devil has impeccable timing.  I was feeling particularly hormonal and would have loved to satisfy my urges the way grown folks do. 

It's often very difficult to break away from old flames, even when they are dating other people.  You may have broken up for other reasons, but sexual compatibility wasn't one of them.  That was this case.

Thing is he knows I am abstaining from sex because that is one of the reasons he didn't stick around.  While we were dating I told him that I couldn't continue to vex my spirit or Gods & that God was more important to me then he was.  I gave him the opportunity to be with me in spirit and forge a wonderful relationship based on a better foundation then sex, but he chose to move on.  Oddly enough, the next woman he met he decided to marry.  Story of my life.

Back to the moral of the story, don't allow the comfort and familiarity of an old flame to draw you back into temptation.  It happens very easily & very quickly.  Those soul ties can go on for years.  Mine did.

Any man that is willing to continue to engage with you sexually but not truly commit to you needs to be removed from your life.  Rest assured while your waiting for him to love you the way you deserve he already knows your NOT the one,but he's willing to take what you will give him until the RIGHT one comes along.

Self respect & dignity are worth far more than a few moments of pleasure.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Why Does Thou Tempt Me!

Why does thou tempt me!!!!  Why did I get an unsolicited picture message of someone who apparently wanted to tempt me into "spending time with him" (He's been trying for a while but I'm not interested).  It was a great picture, looked like a playgirl pictorial.  Not full nudity which was much appreciated cuz I have gotten unsolicited pics of the sausage before & it ain't pleasant.  I'm always left feeling blinded.   This however was very tastefully done (you could tell it was professional), but definitely provocative.  Well build, dark chocolate, laying on a bed of satin sheets with a part of the sheet strategically covering the schmeckle, six pack for days, arms that were what do they call them?    "Guns"  that's it!  I have a weakness for strong arms.  :*)

My response:  Why did you send me this

His response:  So you can see what your missing

My response:  What am I missing

His response:  All this

My response: Oh cool, so what are we doing for Valentines Day?

His response:  Huh?

My response:  Well I mean I'm sure I'm the only one your sending this pic to and inviting to enjoy your dark chocolaty goodness right?  So of course you want to spend quality time with me right?  (of course it was said sarcastically)

His response: ***********************************************   nothing

After I got a good laugh, and looked at the picture from a few angles (tilting head to the side), I deleted it.  No sense in having that around.

The Lord never tempts us but man does.  God only uses the opportunities to teach us how to resist or show us we can resist for He said there is always a way of escape.  We often just don't choose to take it.

Now how easy would it have been to accept the invitation, enjoy a moment of pleasure (maybe) then wind up feeling like a used piece of crap when all was said and done.

Day 28:  Doing great, feeling great about doing great.  Glad that I wasn't tempted cuz once upon a time I would have been, cuz the boy was fine yall!  But this time I just thought it was funny.  #sonotthatserious

Monday, January 24, 2011

Skeletons in the closet

Do you have any skeletons in the closet?  I can honestly say I don't.  I got rid of all my skeletons to make room for my shoes.  :*)

There is a liberation in transparency.  I can truly say that honesty is the best policy if you desire to transform or change.  This doesn't mean that you owe anyone explanations, but certainly you should have nothing to hide.  Most often we are hiding from ourselves.  Believe it or not, your ability to be transparent helps others to be transparent as well.  Those that do not accept you for your good and bad are not meant to be in your life, so move on and keep on keepin it real.

In my post about hypocrisy I spoke about my journal & how I used to write as though someone was going to read it.  I was scared someone might read it & what they might think of me if they did.  Some of the deepest secrets, feelings, thoughts that only God knows.  That's powerful.  But what I found to be more powerful was once I got it on paper it no longer had power over me.

Once I was able to put on paper the truths about my shortcomings, deficiencies & sins they no longer had power over me.

Among the entries would be my heart breaking admissions of when I had sex with my long time soul tie.  Couldn't seem to get that man out of my system.  But my soul and spirit were vexed every time we were together.  Why?  Because I knew he wasn't for me & so did God.  Why was it so hard to let go?  Why was I willing to allow myself to be with a man I knew didn't love, he only enjoyed having sex with me, and I certainly enjoyed having sex with him.  The chemistry was amazing.  See that's what gets us sucked in.  I always wanted more from him, but somehow deep down new I would never have it.  Why was I willing to settle for what he gave me?

As I would make accounts of our interactions & the deficiencies in the relationship in my journal, I would begin to go back and read them.  There was something sobering about putting it all on paper.

I began to see what I couldn't see before, my low self esteem, my need for love & lack of it in the relationship.  I even laughed at myself.  It was funny.  I couldn't believe I was being so stupid.  Being transparent in my journal brought what was in the darkness of my mind way in the back to the forefront &  light.

Remember what stays in the dark will never be healed, but fester & spread like cancer.

Hunter or Hunted

Some men are aggressive & some aren't.  Some women are aggressive & some aren't.  Which do you prefer in the opposite sex?  If your a woman who doesn't mind approaching man, how do you do it in a classy way without appearing easy? 

If your a man who is not aggressive & prefers women to come to you can you tell me why?  Also how do you like a woman to approach you if she does?

Friday, January 21, 2011

Cookie Power

A person recently stated that I USE sex as power by abstaining or withholding it.  Do you suppose there is any truth to that?  Does the cookie have that much power over men?  

Why yes, yes it does... & if women really understood that, we wouldn't have so many men misbehaving!  LOL

Now keep your cookies in the package until the man is willing to buy the cookie jar to put them in.  

I mean really, can you go into a store & eat the cookies out of the package on the shelf without buying them? 

Have you ever walked into a store and seen a package of cookies just opened with cookies missing?  LOL

Stop giving the cookie monster the cookies before he pays for them....

May the force be with you ladies ;*)

****note day 21 getting a little hormonal but all is well.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Waking The Walk Not Just Talking the Talk A View Into Hypocrisy

Are you walking the walk or just talking the talk.  Most of us tend to do a little of both for the most part.  However for some it's a whole lotta talk and no walk. 
Those who allow hypocrisy to discourage them in their walk with God and His people in my opinion have more issues. Why allow the actions of another to affect you to that degree?  Hypocrisy is a disease of the flesh, so while you don't ignore it, condone it, or participate in it for those of us who are mature... patience, understanding and love are still required of us, for those who don't get it yet. Most hypocrites don't even know when they are being hypocrites at least not at the time.

This is a special post by request from an anonymous blogger:
Anonymous said...
That was good commentary - thanks for sharing. I have a question that maybe a little off topic. I used to be a Christian; not sure what to call myself these days. Anyway, what is your opinion on Christians who struggle with issues, in this case lets say sexual sin just to stay on course who go out of their way to testify in front of the Church, write books, give seminars about being set free from a life time of sexual bondage and promiscuity only to find themselves in a hole darker and deeper than ever before six months later ? How do those of us on the outside desiring to come into Christ but struggling with what appears to be hypocrisy in the Church find understanding in this type of behavior ? For example, I know a guy who said he would never violate a woman's body by committing sexual acts with her because her body emulates the temple of God. Now, months later he's screwing her on the regular. You mentioned guiding our youth, however how can that be done we the Christian adults are not practicing what they preach. When everyday that talk about save the children and every other night he's *ucking her like she's a prostitute (no boundaries kinda sex) I know once you repent that God forgives but is it that simple ? Can he get his dick sucked tonight and repent in morning and do this every night and then repent every morning claiming that he's only human. He once blamed her for it, said she has a dominating spirit of lust on her that causes everyone she encounters to succumb to her lustful desires. (man or woman) He even compared her to some whore woman in the bible. At what point should he go back to the Church and admit that he's failed again instead of faking the funk every Sunday morning. At what point does he admit that he's more than just a friend to her and their friendship has become inappropriate? And if God brought them together it certainly wasn't to fornicate, so won't sexing block God's original intentions for them ? But yet, they continually make excuses to work together and be together all the time. Not to mention that he sexes other women as well from time to time but that doesn't count ?? Can we really be set free when we constantly lie to ourselves and others about what a situation really is ? Can a child molester write a kids book because of his love for children and say his personal life isn't relevant to his calling ? I was out with some friends last night and this conversation came up. Can we blog about it for a second ? Well Anonymous lets do this.  I will comment to respond.  

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Sexual Soul Ties, The Most Common Bondage

I think it's important that we know why pre-marital sex is not appropriate as a Christian & it's important that we tell young people so that they understand just how serious it is.   While people make lite of sex with multiple partners, there is serious damage being done spiritually.   Our failure to discern these things & the lack of teaching in churches is why fornication is one of the biggest issues in the church.  It's the enemies most common tool & we fall for it hook line and sinker every time.

A soul tie is a spiritual connection between our soul and that of another person.  Soul ties are important to address in sex addiction because they can hold us back from achieving complete victory over our addiction. 

There are good soul ties and bad soul ties.  Good soul ties are commonly created in marriage and healthy friendships (Malachi 2:15; Genesis 2:24, 1 Chronicles 12:17, Colossians 2:2).  Bad soul ties are created through sinful relationships and/or activities.  Examples of situations that could create bad soul ties:
  • Sex sin:  Sex unites people physically, emotionally and spiritually.  If we have sex with people other than our spouse, we create soul ties that cause all kinds of problems (spiritual confusion, emotional confusion, sex addiction, compulsivity, obsession, etc.).
  • Looking at sex images, memories, objects and fetishes:  These activities can  establish a soul tie with an evil spirit.  An example of this is found in Hosea 4:17 when Ephraim became joined with his idols.  A tie may not be established in every instance, but it is certainly possible.  Example objects:  a favorite porn depiction, a garment worn by a former lover, pictures of former lovers,  a cherished sexual memory.  
  • Sexual abuse/molestation:  This can result in soul ties between the perpetrator and the victim.  If you have been involved in sexual abuse, please seek healing prayer and Christian counsel as you proceed in your journey to freedom.  
  • "Unhealthy" relationships:  Examples include relationships characterized by manipulation, guilt, emotional abuse, co-dependency, unnatural affection, envy and/or lust.

How to know if you have a bad soul tie:  
  • Ask the Lord: Take a moment to ask God in prayer to show you if you have soul ties that need to be severed.  If the Lord brings people to mind or you think there is a possibility of a soul tie, proceed to pray to cut the soul tie.    
  • Look at the fruit:  A way to determine the nature of a soul tie is to examine its fruit (Matthew 7:16-18).  Good soul ties will bear good fruit; examples being love, blessing, fidelity, loyalty, honor, righteousness, etc.  The overall effect of the good soul tie will be to strengthen our emotional wholeness and our walk with God.  Bad soul ties will bear bad fruit, examples being hatred, resentment, curses, manipulation, anger, strife, jealousy, control, bitterness, etc.  The overall effect of bad soul ties will be to hold us back from enjoying our relationship with God and to keep us in bondage to whatever we struggle with.
Cutting soul ties:  We can cut soul ties by praying in the authority of Jesus Christ.  The idea is to identify the source, confess/repent from any sin you committed related to it, cut the ties in Jesus' name, ask God to remove all negative effects and ask for restoration to wholeness.   If you are cutting soul ties related to an object, be sure to destroy the object and remove it from your home.  Here's a sample prayer:

A Strategic Prayer to break free from this bondage:

"Father God,  I thank you for saving me from destruction.  I praise you for sending Jesus to die for my sins.  Please forgive me for my sins against you.  Specifically, I confess that I ______________(details of the sin & names).    I repent of that sin and renounce it now.   Lord, please purify my heart from this sin, the memory of it and any associated fantasy I have entertained in my mind regarding it.   In the name of Jesus Christ and by the power of his blood shed on the cross, I cut myself free from any soul ties that may have been established with _______ (name (s) or specific objects).   I commit him/her/them to the care of Jesus Christ for him to do with as he wills.  Satan, I rebuke you in all your works and ways.  I rebuke any evil spirits that have a foothold in me.  In the name of Jesus, I command you evil spirits to leave me and go directly to Jesus Christ.   Father, please heal my soul of any wounds resulting from these soul ties.  Please reintegrate any part of me that may have been detained through this/these soul ties and restore me to wholeness.  I also ask that you will reintegrate any part of the person(s) I sinned with that has been detained in me, and restore them to wholeness.  Thank you, Lord, for your healing power and your perfect love for me.  May I glorify you with my life from this point forward.  In Jesus'  name, Amen."

Do you have any soul ties you need to be delivered from?

Tell me about some of your worst soul ties.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Right Hand of Fellowship (masturbation & abstainance)

In my last post about the "it factor" one reader made reference to quick fixes.  Now this is a common thing to do for many (masturbation that is) however technically it's not acceptable spiritually either right? 

I mean the church is giving a whole new meaning to the right hand of fellowship all in an effort to abstain from sex or to relieve the sexual tension so you won't be tempted to fulfill the desire with a person your not married to.

For some this is an issue as well.  It becomes addictive.  So are you really abstaining or just replacing?

So for those who find it easy to abstain, is it because your fellowshiping with yourself?   LOL 

Is it really the lessor of two evils?

Just a quick thought......

Sunday, January 16, 2011

The It factor

Do you have the it factor?  I know I do.... I have never had a problem finding it, or it finding me. I have had it a lot & with enough men that if I never had it again I know I'm not missing it (ok well maybe just a little cuz it is fun & I miss it now).  Yes I used to be a HO.... ****holding up lighter as it flickers saying "my name is Lisa & I used to be a ho....

I say that because if I'm keeping it real if you've been with more than 3-5 men in your sexual career your considered promiscuous. I bet many of you are cringing at that revelation but the first step is admitting it.  Now I've been married so of course that doesn't count, but all the other men that were not my husband were out of line, out of order & just plain out of a desire to either satisfy my physical or emotional erg to connect with someone.  (the erg we all have)

Now I'm asking you if you have the it factor because it's different when you abstain & are proud of it because you have made a conscious effort to do so, as apposed to the fact that you couldn't get it if your life depended on it.  Come on, you know there are some that just don't get a lot of action, so it would be easy to go a long time without it right?

I'm saying all that to say that some are very judgmental of others who have a hard time abstaining from it when the fact is that the only reason you abstain is because you don't have opportunity or are not in a position to be tempted by it.  You may have the urges but are far from being able to satisfy them short of paying for it or masturbating (which a lot of us do) ***just sayin

Now I can literally pick up my phone & dial at least 10 numbers if I wanted it & all of them would happily ablige, as a matter of fact have been trying to get it for a while. (note to self delete those numbers).  Now this is not just because I'm a woman (men like to say it's easier for women) because there are lots of men out there that don't have a problem getting it either.  Now I'm not bragging nor is it something to be proud of I'm just stating facts & trying to make a point somewhere.  :*)

Oh that point would be:

Judge not lest you be judge by the same measure.  Never say never & don't condemn when it's not your struggle.

I was talking to a friend who was really struggling recently & brought to tears about it.  See this is a bondage that many in the church face, a stronghold that must be broken in the lives of many saints so that they can move forward in their purpose, because as you know sin affects the anointing.  This is the main reason for this blog.

See what I see is that the church gives us spiritual principles but doesn’t teach us how to use them when it comes to remaining pure sexually. (stuff our parents & the church should be teaching us but no one wants to talk about it)  I find that it's a battle we fight on our own, because all though everyone preaches it, I have yet to meet more than a handful if that, that actually managed to abstain for any length of time prior to marriage let alone be virgins.

For this reason I made the comment in my last post about praying properly.   Ask God to show you how to MANAGE this natural desire and erg.  I have asked & He is showing me.

Day 16:  I actually was quite hormonal & would have loved to have it.  LOL but then I thought about something else & it wasn't that serious.
*Now come on people hold up your lighters with me ****on second thought we don't want to burn the place down.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Sex & Football

As I was thinking last night I was wondering why men seem to have a harder time controlling their sex drive.  It's true & based on studies men think about sex several times a day over women & have a higher sex drive due to their testosterone levels.  But here is what I thought about last night that was funny to me.  If a man is watching football or doing things he enjoys, he could care less about sex.... that is of course until after the game.

How many women have complained that their husband/boyfriend doesn't even notice them during football season.  You could prance in front of him naked & he would just look around you to see the play.  Now that's funny.

I said all this to say that sex doesn't have to drive you, male or female.  If you feel DRIVEN & have a constant need for sex then you have an issue.  If you keep yourself occupied & feed yourself with other things it should lesson your focus on sex. 

I say you have an issue because I know from experience.  I used to be quite driven sexually.  My sex drive is still very high, however I just learned to shift my focus & have chosen to not feed something that will never be satisfied.  I desire love & companionship not just meaningless sexual encounters & having sex with all kinda folks all willy nilly kind of cheapens it don't you think?  ****hears the men saying NOPE  rebelliously......

I mean God does not want to deprive us of the pleasure of sex, He just wants us to do it the right way for the right reasons.  For all those who like to say that religion is just meant to oppress, I beg to differ.  There is nothing that God requires of us that will not benefit us.

If we consider the ramifications of promiscuity, why is it that we still don't seem to understand that it is to our benefit to not only abstain but be extremely discriminate in your choice of a mate.  Hmmmmm unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, & soul ties (which I will get into later) are all that await us for giving into those desires we can't seem to control.  All for a quick orgasm that last a few seconds that your going to want again later.....( yes it feels great) but hmmmm sounds like addiction and for some it is.

Why am I taking it so deep right now?  Because all I hear people saying is they CAN"T wait till marriage for sex, but what the real issue is that you don't want to, because if you CAN'T wait then you have a sexual addiction.  Just food for thought.

For us Christians we know that we should spend more time in the Word of God to curtail our urges.  Remind ourselves that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit & that we will not defile it by having sex with people whom we are not married to or at the very least engaged to.   Now I'm sure I will get some flack about the being engaged part (it's not biblical), but I'm just keeping it real.

If you find yourself bombarded with sexual thoughts, then remember we are to cast down every imagination.... so the instant it comes into your mind, cast it down... the more you do this the easier it becomes & the less the thoughts will consume you.  We often fail to recognize that we are under attack spiritually in the area of our sexual desires.  If the enemy can keep you bound, he can keep you from your purpose.

Last but not least, for those of you who struggle and don't want to learning to pray the right prayers is essential.  Stop asking God to take away your sexual desires & ask Him to show you how to MANAGE them.  Your sexual desires are normal, your drive to fulfill them are not.

Now lets watch some football!!!!!

This is also a great read for you deep thinkers


Friday, January 14, 2011

Day 14

I know your probably wondering why anyone would want to read a blog about someone who's NOT having sex, but to the contrary I find it far more fascinating to attempt to ABSTAIN from sex then the over rated, over exaggerated sexual climate we currently live in.   I mean talk about over sexed!!!!!  Sex on TV, sex in classrooms?    "Sexting" (sexual texting), phone sex, hetero sex, bi-sex, homo sex.  You name it.

I believe that as a culture we here in the US are some of the most oversexed people on the planet.  Los Angeles being the pornography capital of the world it's no small wonder.

I find that shift in our culture has gone to an extreme when it comes to sex.  Now I don't believe in sexual oppression, we should talk about it & have it (hopefully with a spouse), but be responsible about it.  God did create us as sexual beings, to enjoy it & reproduce.

Once upon a time to be promiscuous was frowned upon, the girl who was having sex with all the boys at school was not the norm & being a virgin was acceptable, but now if your a young girl in school not having sex, your peers look at you sideways.  I remember when I was in the 6th grade, there was this girl who was known as the "loose" girl.  She could be caught behind the bungalows, kissing & being fondled by the boys.  Back then no one thought that was cool.  Now girls are giving head (yes I said head) in the classrooms??????  Where did it all start going wrong?  

I keep it real, so if for any reason you find my terminology offensive, please keep it to yourself.  LOL

Your welcome to pray for me at any time & allow God to make the changes.   ;*)

Now as for my sexual desires at this time:

As of today, day 14 no withdrawal symptoms, no cold sweats, no issues at all.  As a matter of fact aside from this blog I didn't even think about sex.  How about you?

Thursday, January 13, 2011


Celibate: One who abstains from sexual intercourse, especially by reason of religious vows.  

Since it's still January I am loving that I can start this at the very beginning of the year.  It's not a New Years Resolution or anything but just a fresh start on the journey I have consciously chosen & want to share with you.

I can officially say that as of January 1st till now I am sex free.  Yep no schmeckle.  I mean 13 days is not a big deal but just so you know we have a clean start & you can start counting the days with me. 

Just so you know I will use terms like Schmeckle, sausage, the cookie, the cooter..... all mild terms of endearment for our genitals as I don't desire to be vulgar nor do I desire to be clinical.  I hope that we can have fun, keep it clean, yet be informative, helpful & respectful to one another.

My hope is that this will be a helpful, healing, fun, informative tool for those who want to abstain from sex until marriage whether your a Christian or not..  I also want to use this as a forum to discuss the dating do's & don'ts or maybe figure out what those are.

This is not exclusive to women.... please men show your faces whether your celibate or not & speak your mind.... just remember to keep it clean.

Now just to clarify, I love sex as much as the next gal..... but as a Christian woman who desires to adhere to biblical guidelines regarding sexual activity I made the choice of no sex until marriage.  I am not as confident as I would like to be that I will succeed in accomplishing that to the letter, but my hopes are that as I go on this journey of accountability with you that I will become more & more confident as the days go by.

So to all who desire to journey with me can I get a Woo Woo?   

*****hears crickets walks off stage.