You know the saying "if you play with fire you will eventually get burned"? Couldn't be truer. Are you playing with fire in your attempt to abstain from sex? I know I have... and recently. I don't beat myself up about it, but I certainly kick myself after thanking God for my narrow escape on many occasions. The most recent occasion being when I allowed an ex boyfriend to come over my house "to visit"... (we remained friendly after our break up) It's funny how we remain naive to others intentions... I didn't think for a moment he came to "get some", I thought he came to say hello, talk a little, hang out etc..... no biggie. Then it happened, the conversation turned to old times... how he missed me, how I might have been the one that got away because he was too immature to see my value. then the hug goodbye.... You know that one? The one that brings back memories, fond ones, chemistry, old feelings, the ones you think are long gone (for me they really are). But I guess when you have been deprived of affection, contact, romance you get that feeling rising up in you, your body temperature rises, the temptation increases and you in that moment have a choice to make, will you give in or will you resist.
He tried to kiss me... then I knew it was gonna be trouble... Kisses for me are never just kisses, unless I give you one on the cheek. He made his attempt and I felt like Holyfield in a boxing match.... I bobbed and weaved trying to duck it.... He got the message.
I was tempted... wanted to kiss him to be honest, but not because I love him.... I love to kiss and it's something I miss. I briefly thought I might do it, thinking of course it can be just a kiss... a little make out session, but I knew HIM and I know ME. So in that brief moment, I made the choice to avoid the potential danger.
It's certainly not always easy, but it is what we should do. If we take those brief moments to think and reject the temptation, we can avoid some sticky situations that we often regret.
So if you don't wanna get burned, it's best you don't play with fire.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Sex Isn't Everything
Over time as I submitted more to Christ and not my flesh, I began to ask myself why is sex such a big deal to everyone including me. I mean I know it feels good, but why must it control us? Sex is everywhere we go, on the radio, tv, movies, and no one can seem to see the scheme of the enemy in all this.
Funny my Pastor even said today that most people don't come to Christ or ever truly walk out their purpose because of sex.
This caused me to reflect on how much time I have wasted and how true that statement was. I spent a great many years battling my flesh, mind and the desire for sexual gratification as a single.... of course what I really wanted was marriage so I wouldn't be in sin, however I was willing to compromise and give into the temptation for the companionship and momentary gratification. All to the detriment of self, perpetuation of damage to self, self esteem & self worth
In all things we have a choice and I made the choice to satisfy my desire and not fulfill my purpose. I had to take a moment to ask God to forgive me for all the men I put before my purpose.
What I can say that this walk of abstinence has done for me, is given me vision, clear without obstruction. My thoughts are clear I have better focus and direction, a bigger sense of purpose, a stronger desire to fullfill it and a stronger presence of the Holy Spirit within because my temple is clean, cuz keep in mind no one wants to live in a dirty house. 1 Cor 6:18 speaks of the sin of sex outside of marriage being different then any other sin because it is done to self, your own body. God in His infinite wisdom and knowledge knows how much damage sex with multiple partners can cause, mentally, emotionally, physically, even unto death..... or even unto generations to come... (children out of wedlock) damage damage damage, diseases.... damage damage damage...... Thing is the devil knows to....
We have the ability to set the standard, exhibit self control and live our lives whole and happy, sex should just be the icing on the cake, not the whole cake. So today I encourage you to make the right choices, and do just that, be happy and whole and the rest will follow. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqkeJgFdANc
I was just thinking is all.
Funny my Pastor even said today that most people don't come to Christ or ever truly walk out their purpose because of sex.
This caused me to reflect on how much time I have wasted and how true that statement was. I spent a great many years battling my flesh, mind and the desire for sexual gratification as a single.... of course what I really wanted was marriage so I wouldn't be in sin, however I was willing to compromise and give into the temptation for the companionship and momentary gratification. All to the detriment of self, perpetuation of damage to self, self esteem & self worth
In all things we have a choice and I made the choice to satisfy my desire and not fulfill my purpose. I had to take a moment to ask God to forgive me for all the men I put before my purpose.
What I can say that this walk of abstinence has done for me, is given me vision, clear without obstruction. My thoughts are clear I have better focus and direction, a bigger sense of purpose, a stronger desire to fullfill it and a stronger presence of the Holy Spirit within because my temple is clean, cuz keep in mind no one wants to live in a dirty house. 1 Cor 6:18 speaks of the sin of sex outside of marriage being different then any other sin because it is done to self, your own body. God in His infinite wisdom and knowledge knows how much damage sex with multiple partners can cause, mentally, emotionally, physically, even unto death..... or even unto generations to come... (children out of wedlock) damage damage damage, diseases.... damage damage damage...... Thing is the devil knows to....
We have the ability to set the standard, exhibit self control and live our lives whole and happy, sex should just be the icing on the cake, not the whole cake. So today I encourage you to make the right choices, and do just that, be happy and whole and the rest will follow. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqkeJgFdANc
I was just thinking is all.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Look who's watching me.
Hey friends,
Thought I would continue on today. I had a blast last night going through the profiles of some men who sent me greetings and expressed interest. I will share with you a few of them in slight detail. There is quantity but the quality is definitely and issue. I was thinking maybe I could make some money by being a consultant for some of these guys... cuz they need help.
Examples:
#2 Dude what were you thinking? Not a good idea to have a profile picture of you kneeling next to a grave site? WTH?
#3 It would have been a good idea for you to take your apron off before you took the picture, although it is nice to see you have a job.
#4 You looked kind of cute in your first picture, but then the picture of you sitting on the bus stop killed it for me. You should keep that a secret until you get to know a girl. If she likes you enough she will give you a ride or two........ first off? Nope she's gonna say no.
#5 Wow a half naked old man. Not a good look anytime let alone for a profile picture. It says he's 49 but he looks 69, wrinkled beyond belief. He had a very touching story about how his first wife died and he seeks another life mate. However he drinks, smokes and only goes to church twice a month. My response? You had me at hello! LOL! NOT!
#6 Pay dirt!!!! Hunka Hunka burnin love. Tall, handsome... great profile pic, great profile intro.. good job, goes to church, no smoking... pics of his friends who also look nice.... biggest selling point he still does the running man and wants a dance partner. Im in! LOL
Well one out of 7 isn't bad I guess. This is all in fun, so don't think I'm being hyper critical, just observations.
Would love it if you shared some of your stories with me if you have ever done online dating.
Smooches!!!
Thought I would continue on today. I had a blast last night going through the profiles of some men who sent me greetings and expressed interest. I will share with you a few of them in slight detail. There is quantity but the quality is definitely and issue. I was thinking maybe I could make some money by being a consultant for some of these guys... cuz they need help.
Examples:
#2 Dude what were you thinking? Not a good idea to have a profile picture of you kneeling next to a grave site? WTH?
#3 It would have been a good idea for you to take your apron off before you took the picture, although it is nice to see you have a job.
#4 You looked kind of cute in your first picture, but then the picture of you sitting on the bus stop killed it for me. You should keep that a secret until you get to know a girl. If she likes you enough she will give you a ride or two........ first off? Nope she's gonna say no.
#5 Wow a half naked old man. Not a good look anytime let alone for a profile picture. It says he's 49 but he looks 69, wrinkled beyond belief. He had a very touching story about how his first wife died and he seeks another life mate. However he drinks, smokes and only goes to church twice a month. My response? You had me at hello! LOL! NOT!
#6 Pay dirt!!!! Hunka Hunka burnin love. Tall, handsome... great profile pic, great profile intro.. good job, goes to church, no smoking... pics of his friends who also look nice.... biggest selling point he still does the running man and wants a dance partner. Im in! LOL
Well one out of 7 isn't bad I guess. This is all in fun, so don't think I'm being hyper critical, just observations.
Would love it if you shared some of your stories with me if you have ever done online dating.
Smooches!!!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Come on a date with me.
I decided to join a dating site... the new dating site "Christian Mingle". I had kind of set dating to the side and really still have.. but I thought it would be fun to really get this blog kicking by actually having some dating experiences to share with you. Going out takes this abstinence walk to a whole other level.
What really made me decide to do this were some of the dating profiles I saw on the site. Now it's a "Christian" Site, but clearly not all who are on it have a "Christian mindset.
Some have been funny, disappointing, and down right shocking.
Today I will share with you profile #WTH???? Obviously the details will only be of a superficial nature so as not to possibly give any identity away, i won't even share race. This young man, decent looking, tall seems to dress decent, begins his profile with I just wanna have fun??? I thought wow if you only wanna have fun why this site. He is in his 40's so this was even more disappointing as I would have expected to hear that from a 25 year old. So let us dig deeper into some other details. His church attendance???? Only on holidays... LOL what a surprise. He smokes, drinks & has several children. Overall rating? I don't know why the women aren't lined up around the block for you dude! LMBO!
I will continue to share with you some of the experiences I have on this site. Those that contact me with any interesting things to say will be included.
Oh and I've discovered there are a lot of seemingly great single Christian men out there... but they are all under 5'10.
I hope you enjoy!
What really made me decide to do this were some of the dating profiles I saw on the site. Now it's a "Christian" Site, but clearly not all who are on it have a "Christian mindset.
Some have been funny, disappointing, and down right shocking.
Today I will share with you profile #WTH???? Obviously the details will only be of a superficial nature so as not to possibly give any identity away, i won't even share race. This young man, decent looking, tall seems to dress decent, begins his profile with I just wanna have fun??? I thought wow if you only wanna have fun why this site. He is in his 40's so this was even more disappointing as I would have expected to hear that from a 25 year old. So let us dig deeper into some other details. His church attendance???? Only on holidays... LOL what a surprise. He smokes, drinks & has several children. Overall rating? I don't know why the women aren't lined up around the block for you dude! LMBO!
I will continue to share with you some of the experiences I have on this site. Those that contact me with any interesting things to say will be included.
Oh and I've discovered there are a lot of seemingly great single Christian men out there... but they are all under 5'10.
I hope you enjoy!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Are You a Temptrest in Sheeps Clothing?
It occurred to me today, how many of us, set ourselves up for failure in our attempt to remain pure or even just being a decent woman. For many who have not overcome the carnal mindset yet, a failure to learn how to attract a man outside of enticing him sexually is common. When you have been used to attention from men for all the wrong reasons you don't understand what it feels like to get it for all the right reasons. Instead of displaying the fruit of the spirit, you display your melons or your cookies. Many try to abstain, but in their efforts to remain attractive to or entice the opposite sex, things are done that compromise not only your walk but your credibility.
Let me explain, if you really want a man that wants you for you and not what's between your legs, then you can't show him what's between your legs. There is an ever increasing practice of sending photos via cell phones of ones private parts. Is this innocent? Women do it to entice men, men do it to entice women. The proverbial "show me what your working with" shot.
Some think it's no big deal, they aren't having sex but they feel the need to tease and entice to prove sexual desirability. What inevitably happens is you will get caught up during a weak moment and yield to the temptation eventually, I know cuz it has almost happened to me.
I have shared before how many times I have had men send me random shots of their junk, unsolicited I might add. Many may find it amusing, and return the favor by showing your goodies... bad idea.
If you have made the declaration that you desire to abstain and then send a pic of your goodies, trust and believe that man will loose all respect for you. He then will be in perpetual pursuit of what you have shown him and once he gets it he will be done with you. Oh and please don't act like a Christian man or woman doesn't do these things cuz they do. Many fail to lay aside worldly temptations and mindsets. Many suffer from sexual addiction etc...
Renew your mind and learn how to attract a man without seducing him sexually and if a man sends you those types of pictures on your phone, don't keep them, delete them immediately. The images will burn into your memory and cause you to meditate on it. And we all know what you meditate on, will eventually be acted upon.
If I receive pics like that, I delete them immediately.... Lord knows I don't need a big ol sausage staring me in the face so I can lust over it. We don't need to add to an already difficult task.
Just food for thought.
Let me explain, if you really want a man that wants you for you and not what's between your legs, then you can't show him what's between your legs. There is an ever increasing practice of sending photos via cell phones of ones private parts. Is this innocent? Women do it to entice men, men do it to entice women. The proverbial "show me what your working with" shot.
Some think it's no big deal, they aren't having sex but they feel the need to tease and entice to prove sexual desirability. What inevitably happens is you will get caught up during a weak moment and yield to the temptation eventually, I know cuz it has almost happened to me.
I have shared before how many times I have had men send me random shots of their junk, unsolicited I might add. Many may find it amusing, and return the favor by showing your goodies... bad idea.
If you have made the declaration that you desire to abstain and then send a pic of your goodies, trust and believe that man will loose all respect for you. He then will be in perpetual pursuit of what you have shown him and once he gets it he will be done with you. Oh and please don't act like a Christian man or woman doesn't do these things cuz they do. Many fail to lay aside worldly temptations and mindsets. Many suffer from sexual addiction etc...
Renew your mind and learn how to attract a man without seducing him sexually and if a man sends you those types of pictures on your phone, don't keep them, delete them immediately. The images will burn into your memory and cause you to meditate on it. And we all know what you meditate on, will eventually be acted upon.
If I receive pics like that, I delete them immediately.... Lord knows I don't need a big ol sausage staring me in the face so I can lust over it. We don't need to add to an already difficult task.
Just food for thought.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Sin & Anxiety
Keeping this chronicle has been kind of like keeping a diet diary..... and really writing down what you ate when no one but you knows. Do you tell the truth or do you lie or omit? What you write down depends on who's gonna see it and your level of integrity.....at the end of the day, you only cheat yourself right?
There really is nothing going on in my world as it pertains to sex..... again I have offers from a couple of men who find me attractive, but they want nothing more then to have sex so what's the point. People don't seem to understand when I say I have had enough sex to last me a lifetime so what I desire is love and most of all obedience to God. Some people understand but most men act like they don't. What's not to understand though???? To quote my girl Debra, no ringy no dingy.... LOL
I wanted to touch a little on how sin creates in us an anxiety. As Christians when we are out of obedience, being that we are connected to God via our spirits, unresolved sin creates conflict within us ( what some call "vexing". )
Obedience to God and His commandments brings peace to your soul, however disobedience brings about conflict. This conflict manifests it's self in anxiety..... you find yourself feeling frustrated, anxious, angry, full of rage, not at peace. Does this sound familiar to anyone? If it does, ask yourself what areas of your life you may be out of obedience.
God never said you wouldn't go through trials in your life which can indeed create stress..... however God promises to give you peace, rest, restoration. If your not able to reach a peaceful place, it's likely you are out of obedience in some area of your life, including not reading the word of God which is healing to our bones.
I find I am at the most peace even in a storm when I am in obedience.... knowing I am not doing anything to separate me from God. Mind you He never leaves us, but sin creates a gap between us and God, because often as Adam & Eve did in the garden.... we HIDE ourselves from God out of shame, conviction, guilt, condemnation......
Ok Ok I'll stop preaching...... but I just want folks to be at peace, just my two cents.....
Smooches!!!
There really is nothing going on in my world as it pertains to sex..... again I have offers from a couple of men who find me attractive, but they want nothing more then to have sex so what's the point. People don't seem to understand when I say I have had enough sex to last me a lifetime so what I desire is love and most of all obedience to God. Some people understand but most men act like they don't. What's not to understand though???? To quote my girl Debra, no ringy no dingy.... LOL
I wanted to touch a little on how sin creates in us an anxiety. As Christians when we are out of obedience, being that we are connected to God via our spirits, unresolved sin creates conflict within us ( what some call "vexing". )
Obedience to God and His commandments brings peace to your soul, however disobedience brings about conflict. This conflict manifests it's self in anxiety..... you find yourself feeling frustrated, anxious, angry, full of rage, not at peace. Does this sound familiar to anyone? If it does, ask yourself what areas of your life you may be out of obedience.
God never said you wouldn't go through trials in your life which can indeed create stress..... however God promises to give you peace, rest, restoration. If your not able to reach a peaceful place, it's likely you are out of obedience in some area of your life, including not reading the word of God which is healing to our bones.
I find I am at the most peace even in a storm when I am in obedience.... knowing I am not doing anything to separate me from God. Mind you He never leaves us, but sin creates a gap between us and God, because often as Adam & Eve did in the garden.... we HIDE ourselves from God out of shame, conviction, guilt, condemnation......
Ok Ok I'll stop preaching...... but I just want folks to be at peace, just my two cents.....
Smooches!!!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Birthday Girl
Well it's my birthday again... yep one every year! This makes 41 years strong and I thank God for every year good and bad.
It's been a while since I've posted and for good reason. I've been taking many moments to reflect and be quiet these days as I have felt the attack of the enemy from every direction in the last few weeks, several months actually but particularly the last few weeks. Yes in the area of sexual desires since that is what this blog is about mainly but in so many other areas as well.
As for my abstinence I have been struggling quite a bit... definitely a season of high desire. Not for any particular reason that I can see other then hormones...except that I also perceive an attack of the enemy on my mind. Yes I said it.... for those of you who understand that we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against spiritual principalities in high places (Ephesians 6:12) you know what I mean. I can tell when sexual thoughts come from ME versus the enemy. I have had quite a few men "hit me up".... wanting to entice me. A couple with the offer of "just oral sex" as I'm sure quite a few of you have gotten, you know that offer that most often leads to way more? I almost gave into one offer... considered it for far too long and actually responded with consideration???? WTH???? I had to shake it off. What was I thinking..... I know what I was thinking... I was thinking a nice orgasm would be great right about now. Boy it took a minute to shake that one off and I actually felt super guilty for even considering it. What kind of example would that be???
Since the purpose of this blog is to encourage people to abstain from sex or overcome sexual bondage it stands to reason I have an enemy who desires to take me out of play. Dramatic? Not really, it's a reality when you understand the spirit realm and not just the realm of the flesh. See folks will believe in all that psychic crap but won't believe in the Biblical truths about the spirit realm.
The other area of attack in my life has been on the health of myself and family members seemingly all at once. Last year in December I wound up in the hospital with symptoms of heart issues... I almost blew my top. Unfortunately what comes with the territory of diabetes is heart disease.... a wake up call for me to take better care of myself. Next My brother is diagnosed with thyroid cancer, my sister-in-law is in need of surgery and I again just this week wind up in the hospital again, this time faced with possible surgery for ovarian cysts that caused so much pain I couldn't walk. BUT GOD!!!! Oh and the morphine drip was amaZing! LOL
As my boy Broderick said..... they turned me into a junky.... now they tryin to send me to rehab & I said NO NO NO.... LOL
Anywho, those things on top of several deaths even multiple deaths in single families over the last few months in our church has just been a heavy burden spiritually. Your prayers are much appreciated.
I know there are others dealing with far more & I get the burden of intercession quite frequently... but that on top of my own stuff can just be heavy.
I was feeling a little down today because yet another birthday is upon me and it seems as though I am not where I had hoped to be or want to be in many areas of my life. There is never anyone to blame but self in these situations as I am in control of my life and choices... but none the less it has caused me to pause and reflect on my goals, desires & how I'm going about them.
God is never done working on us or through us, and as long as I remain yielded I know He can and will use me, I was just hoping some things would happen a little quicker then they are. In thinking on that there is no time like the appointed time... so no point in rushing things but I think I'm excited to see what God has in store. Last year was a year of revelation into my gifting.... God revealed a lot of the anointing on my life, He revealed how I would be used and it's overwhelming yet exciting to consider. After all that excitement the early part of this year is a little anti climactic... in more ways then one.... *****cheeseburger grin for those who get it.
Any how I've missed those of you who enjoy the blog... I've missed writing. I hope folks will start participating more so I can see it's worth it.
What a woman wants for her birthday this year is just the continued love and support of her friends and family blood and extended through Christ.
It's been a while since I've posted and for good reason. I've been taking many moments to reflect and be quiet these days as I have felt the attack of the enemy from every direction in the last few weeks, several months actually but particularly the last few weeks. Yes in the area of sexual desires since that is what this blog is about mainly but in so many other areas as well.
As for my abstinence I have been struggling quite a bit... definitely a season of high desire. Not for any particular reason that I can see other then hormones...except that I also perceive an attack of the enemy on my mind. Yes I said it.... for those of you who understand that we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against spiritual principalities in high places (Ephesians 6:12) you know what I mean. I can tell when sexual thoughts come from ME versus the enemy. I have had quite a few men "hit me up".... wanting to entice me. A couple with the offer of "just oral sex" as I'm sure quite a few of you have gotten, you know that offer that most often leads to way more? I almost gave into one offer... considered it for far too long and actually responded with consideration???? WTH???? I had to shake it off. What was I thinking..... I know what I was thinking... I was thinking a nice orgasm would be great right about now. Boy it took a minute to shake that one off and I actually felt super guilty for even considering it. What kind of example would that be???
Since the purpose of this blog is to encourage people to abstain from sex or overcome sexual bondage it stands to reason I have an enemy who desires to take me out of play. Dramatic? Not really, it's a reality when you understand the spirit realm and not just the realm of the flesh. See folks will believe in all that psychic crap but won't believe in the Biblical truths about the spirit realm.
The other area of attack in my life has been on the health of myself and family members seemingly all at once. Last year in December I wound up in the hospital with symptoms of heart issues... I almost blew my top. Unfortunately what comes with the territory of diabetes is heart disease.... a wake up call for me to take better care of myself. Next My brother is diagnosed with thyroid cancer, my sister-in-law is in need of surgery and I again just this week wind up in the hospital again, this time faced with possible surgery for ovarian cysts that caused so much pain I couldn't walk. BUT GOD!!!! Oh and the morphine drip was amaZing! LOL
As my boy Broderick said..... they turned me into a junky.... now they tryin to send me to rehab & I said NO NO NO.... LOL
Anywho, those things on top of several deaths even multiple deaths in single families over the last few months in our church has just been a heavy burden spiritually. Your prayers are much appreciated.
I know there are others dealing with far more & I get the burden of intercession quite frequently... but that on top of my own stuff can just be heavy.
I was feeling a little down today because yet another birthday is upon me and it seems as though I am not where I had hoped to be or want to be in many areas of my life. There is never anyone to blame but self in these situations as I am in control of my life and choices... but none the less it has caused me to pause and reflect on my goals, desires & how I'm going about them.
God is never done working on us or through us, and as long as I remain yielded I know He can and will use me, I was just hoping some things would happen a little quicker then they are. In thinking on that there is no time like the appointed time... so no point in rushing things but I think I'm excited to see what God has in store. Last year was a year of revelation into my gifting.... God revealed a lot of the anointing on my life, He revealed how I would be used and it's overwhelming yet exciting to consider. After all that excitement the early part of this year is a little anti climactic... in more ways then one.... *****cheeseburger grin for those who get it.
Any how I've missed those of you who enjoy the blog... I've missed writing. I hope folks will start participating more so I can see it's worth it.
What a woman wants for her birthday this year is just the continued love and support of her friends and family blood and extended through Christ.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Why Im Not Married
After reading an article done by Tracy McMillan http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html?ref=fb&src=sp I thought I would share the reality of this for me. This article was not new news to me as a matter of fact I have said this many times to many people as it relates to the rising epidemic of unmarried women, especially black women. This article raised a lot of painful & partial truths.
Indeed the reality is that you can't change anyone else but yourself so it would be in our best interest to always look inward when there is a chronic issue in our lives instead of placing the blame on exterior issues.
I realized a while back that the reason I wasn't married was because of me. Not because I was this horrible person and didn't deserve love, but for a few reasons. The main reason being (and get this ladies) who I ALLOWED in my life. Often our choices of who we allow in our lives are guided by our insecurities, lack of self esteem and just plain lack of understanding. But we grow.
I have over the years grown tremendously in the area of discerning who is and isn't a person I should allow in my personal circle, whether romantic or non romantic. I still make a few bad choices on occasion because I love to help people and even in that I believe nothing is a mistake but an opportunity to learn.
As for me and why I'm not married the main reason now is because I know God is not done with me yet. He has and is doing a mighty work in me in many areas. What God showed me is that the man I asked HIM for would not have wanted me as I was. Meaning I had to meet the same standard that I required. Now that is a painful revelation to get... that you don't meet the standard you yourself are setting.
I had to take a look at my life, my behaviors in total, the inconsistency is what was the biggest issue. I didn't always walk the walk that I talked about..... that has changed.
In Tracy's article, I now find that I fall into category #1 which is the Bitch. Not full fledged but I know I have it in me. I tend to give men a really hard time and this is a result of past wounds that God is still working on. My over all lack of trust in men stems from the molestation I suffered as a child from the age of 4 to 18..... I don't think I realized just to what depth it has affected me. Even with all my therapy & healing, there is always more to be uncovered. How could anyone trust a man after that? But GOD!!!!!!
I am far from a victim and don't call myself a survivor either. I am an over comer.... but understanding the root is key in all of this.
The defensiveness, lack of trust, nonchalant attitude I have, often sends a message to men that I don't need them or want them.
Now theoretically I could be married 5 times over based on offers... (not bragging) but what good does an offer do that you know isn't the right one? I was married when I was 23 and it didn't last a year because I realized that I had made the wrong choice for the wrong reasons. I swore I would never do that again.
I have had 5 men in as many years say I was their wife and they wanted to marry me, however as God had spoken to them and told them I was their wife, apparently God forgot to send me that memo.
There is actually a man now who would marry me tomorrow if I would give in to his desire, however I know he is not for me. Some men are sent to destroy you by the enemy.... however the man that God sends will be sent to RESTORE you.
This mans offer to take care of me so that I will never have to work again may sound attractive, but believe me I know it will come with a price, especially when done outside of the will of God.
I have not met and married the man I will marry now because God is working on me & him. God is working on my ability to receive him, as I have a tendency to push away & God is working on his ability to SEE me. Since a treasure is not easily found because it is hidden... God is working on this mans ability to see the treasure in me because it runs deep not just on the surface.
A lot of us women are exhibiting some pretty masculine energy these days as well I think. We are so powerful, intelligent, independent and successful that we don't have the quiet nature, soft and loving that men actually look for and desire in a woman. We are bold, brass, harsh, mean, bitchy..... cuz we have to do it all and do it well.
I asked God to remove all that from me..... That my boldness would be for the Kingdom, but not to rise up against a man, that I would learn to season my words with grace and salt so as not to wound a man's ego and that I would learn Godly submission so that a man can feel he can execute his rightful position as head of household.
I also realize I'm not married because as a woman of God, for a long time my desire to be married superseded my desire to please God and execute my purpose. What I do believe is that often God will withhold those things that you put before Him. Sometimes He will let you have it to teach you a lesson, hence so many divorces... but He will also withhold.
So why aren't you married?
Indeed the reality is that you can't change anyone else but yourself so it would be in our best interest to always look inward when there is a chronic issue in our lives instead of placing the blame on exterior issues.
I realized a while back that the reason I wasn't married was because of me. Not because I was this horrible person and didn't deserve love, but for a few reasons. The main reason being (and get this ladies) who I ALLOWED in my life. Often our choices of who we allow in our lives are guided by our insecurities, lack of self esteem and just plain lack of understanding. But we grow.
I have over the years grown tremendously in the area of discerning who is and isn't a person I should allow in my personal circle, whether romantic or non romantic. I still make a few bad choices on occasion because I love to help people and even in that I believe nothing is a mistake but an opportunity to learn.
As for me and why I'm not married the main reason now is because I know God is not done with me yet. He has and is doing a mighty work in me in many areas. What God showed me is that the man I asked HIM for would not have wanted me as I was. Meaning I had to meet the same standard that I required. Now that is a painful revelation to get... that you don't meet the standard you yourself are setting.
I had to take a look at my life, my behaviors in total, the inconsistency is what was the biggest issue. I didn't always walk the walk that I talked about..... that has changed.
In Tracy's article, I now find that I fall into category #1 which is the Bitch. Not full fledged but I know I have it in me. I tend to give men a really hard time and this is a result of past wounds that God is still working on. My over all lack of trust in men stems from the molestation I suffered as a child from the age of 4 to 18..... I don't think I realized just to what depth it has affected me. Even with all my therapy & healing, there is always more to be uncovered. How could anyone trust a man after that? But GOD!!!!!!
I am far from a victim and don't call myself a survivor either. I am an over comer.... but understanding the root is key in all of this.
The defensiveness, lack of trust, nonchalant attitude I have, often sends a message to men that I don't need them or want them.
Now theoretically I could be married 5 times over based on offers... (not bragging) but what good does an offer do that you know isn't the right one? I was married when I was 23 and it didn't last a year because I realized that I had made the wrong choice for the wrong reasons. I swore I would never do that again.
I have had 5 men in as many years say I was their wife and they wanted to marry me, however as God had spoken to them and told them I was their wife, apparently God forgot to send me that memo.
There is actually a man now who would marry me tomorrow if I would give in to his desire, however I know he is not for me. Some men are sent to destroy you by the enemy.... however the man that God sends will be sent to RESTORE you.
This mans offer to take care of me so that I will never have to work again may sound attractive, but believe me I know it will come with a price, especially when done outside of the will of God.
I have not met and married the man I will marry now because God is working on me & him. God is working on my ability to receive him, as I have a tendency to push away & God is working on his ability to SEE me. Since a treasure is not easily found because it is hidden... God is working on this mans ability to see the treasure in me because it runs deep not just on the surface.
A lot of us women are exhibiting some pretty masculine energy these days as well I think. We are so powerful, intelligent, independent and successful that we don't have the quiet nature, soft and loving that men actually look for and desire in a woman. We are bold, brass, harsh, mean, bitchy..... cuz we have to do it all and do it well.
I asked God to remove all that from me..... That my boldness would be for the Kingdom, but not to rise up against a man, that I would learn to season my words with grace and salt so as not to wound a man's ego and that I would learn Godly submission so that a man can feel he can execute his rightful position as head of household.
I also realize I'm not married because as a woman of God, for a long time my desire to be married superseded my desire to please God and execute my purpose. What I do believe is that often God will withhold those things that you put before Him. Sometimes He will let you have it to teach you a lesson, hence so many divorces... but He will also withhold.
So why aren't you married?
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Christians Don't Date
I was asked a question recently about dating. The question was "what does the bible say about dating". My response to that was NOTHING. And it's true. There is no biblical reference to dating or anything like it. The key to ANY relationship is foundation however and the bible speaks on that plenty.
You see dating is for the world, Christians are supposed to court one another. I find it interesting that this is not more prominently spoken about in church so that we as Christian singles have a better chance at success when it comes to the issue of purity. We do better when we know better.
We as Christians are supposed to form COVENANTS. When a man & woman meet in Christ, they are "Brother" & "Sister"..... not incestuous of course, but meaning the relationship should be pure in intention & act until such a time as it's appropriate. We are to build a foundation of love and trust, sharpen one another and the relationship will either evolve into a covenant of marriage or dissolve because there was no compatibility. All this should take place prior to sexual contact. Basic displays of affection, such as hugging, kissing, holding hands etc.... are essential however to establish a romantic connection and a desire for intimacy but of course in moderation lest you get all hot and bothered and wanna jump into bed. Been there done that. I love kissing & have been known to set a man on fire a time or two in my life time. ***wink
What I find interesting is not to many Christians truly subscribe to this process, mind set or lifestyle. As a matter of fact it's considered to be rigid, stuffy, religious etc.....Heck I can say if you said this to me a few years ago, I would have looked at you crazy to. Why? Because it's so contrary to how we do things in the world.....
If I could meet a Christian man that understood this for real, and made a sincere effort in this manner I think I might pass out. I mean "Christian" men have said to me there is no way they would marry a woman they haven't had sex with. As a matter of fact, once a man realizes that I have shut down the cookie factory, he walks away so fast you would swear I farted on his best suit.
There are elements of dating in courtship, such as going out to dinners, movies, other activities.... but the basic concept of courtship is that the point is it will eventually lead to marriage. There is a serious PURPOSE to the dating and the element of casual sex is not supposed to be a part of courtship.
Hey, even Steve Harvey said in his book a woman should never have sex with a man until he has dated her for at least 90 days which would indicate that he is interested in more then just your goodies.
In 90 days of sincere courtship.... two people should be able to get to know each other in such a deep fashion that they can easily determine whether or not they could conceive of marriage. If those two people are healthy spiritually and emotionally and are transparent, with the right chemistry, it should be easy. If your not compatible, then you can walk away, no harm no foul, and no soul ties from premature sexual contact.
My question is how do you meet the ones who are sincere, healthy, and desirous of a relationship that will lead to marriage as apposed to the the ones who aren't. It seems to be a hit and miss here in good old LA. Even some I meet who say they are serious aren't so serious after all. Now this is not true of all of them... but as for someone I have that chemistry with, no success yet.
What do you think about Christians and dating?
You see dating is for the world, Christians are supposed to court one another. I find it interesting that this is not more prominently spoken about in church so that we as Christian singles have a better chance at success when it comes to the issue of purity. We do better when we know better.
We as Christians are supposed to form COVENANTS. When a man & woman meet in Christ, they are "Brother" & "Sister"..... not incestuous of course, but meaning the relationship should be pure in intention & act until such a time as it's appropriate. We are to build a foundation of love and trust, sharpen one another and the relationship will either evolve into a covenant of marriage or dissolve because there was no compatibility. All this should take place prior to sexual contact. Basic displays of affection, such as hugging, kissing, holding hands etc.... are essential however to establish a romantic connection and a desire for intimacy but of course in moderation lest you get all hot and bothered and wanna jump into bed. Been there done that. I love kissing & have been known to set a man on fire a time or two in my life time. ***wink
What I find interesting is not to many Christians truly subscribe to this process, mind set or lifestyle. As a matter of fact it's considered to be rigid, stuffy, religious etc.....Heck I can say if you said this to me a few years ago, I would have looked at you crazy to. Why? Because it's so contrary to how we do things in the world.....
If I could meet a Christian man that understood this for real, and made a sincere effort in this manner I think I might pass out. I mean "Christian" men have said to me there is no way they would marry a woman they haven't had sex with. As a matter of fact, once a man realizes that I have shut down the cookie factory, he walks away so fast you would swear I farted on his best suit.
There are elements of dating in courtship, such as going out to dinners, movies, other activities.... but the basic concept of courtship is that the point is it will eventually lead to marriage. There is a serious PURPOSE to the dating and the element of casual sex is not supposed to be a part of courtship.
Hey, even Steve Harvey said in his book a woman should never have sex with a man until he has dated her for at least 90 days which would indicate that he is interested in more then just your goodies.
In 90 days of sincere courtship.... two people should be able to get to know each other in such a deep fashion that they can easily determine whether or not they could conceive of marriage. If those two people are healthy spiritually and emotionally and are transparent, with the right chemistry, it should be easy. If your not compatible, then you can walk away, no harm no foul, and no soul ties from premature sexual contact.
My question is how do you meet the ones who are sincere, healthy, and desirous of a relationship that will lead to marriage as apposed to the the ones who aren't. It seems to be a hit and miss here in good old LA. Even some I meet who say they are serious aren't so serious after all. Now this is not true of all of them... but as for someone I have that chemistry with, no success yet.
What do you think about Christians and dating?
Friday, February 11, 2011
What do you do when you want to have sex?
I was sitting here and I thought I would share one of my more vulnerable moments. I am human and not superwoman with an icy libido. I am quite the horn dog to be honest. I have said it before I love the sausage as much as the next girl. I just made the decision to abstain for spiritual reasons which I feel truly benefits my emotional health. Long and short of it, I finally came to a point that I love God more & am no longer willing to compromise my worship.
Giving into the temptation of having sex may have given me a few moments of pleasure in the past but little else. I often found myself feeling even more alone then if I had just let the moment pass. Kind of like now, I really would love some love, affection, companionship and yes some great sex. But I want it all, not just in part.
So what do you do when you want the sausage? Well, LOL I came to blog. I shifted my focus. It's as easy as a phone call to have the company of a man, so I must be very careful and make an effort not to act impulsively off of my desires. See this is where we get in trouble. Instead of casting down that thought, intentionally squashing it, we often feed it, allow it to take hold, then next thing you know your taking the morning after pill. (extreme but real)
I posted today on my facebook page about being holy hoes....... you know folks who love the Lord but can't seem to keep our sex drives in check and under submission.
How and why does it get that out of control for us, so out of control that you can't seem to say no to sex? Why does our desire for companionship supersede our desire to please God? The world looks at us and doesn't see any difference in our behavior and that bothers me. Does it bother you? I never really thought about it as much as I do now...... because more and more I see the stronghold it has on the church body and how it hinders us. I see clearly because I'm clean and not in the sin..... the absence of the sin creates better visibility spiritually. I once was blind but now I see...
See now my moment has passed. I think I'll go watch my DVR recordings of Dr. Phil.
Smooches!!!
Giving into the temptation of having sex may have given me a few moments of pleasure in the past but little else. I often found myself feeling even more alone then if I had just let the moment pass. Kind of like now, I really would love some love, affection, companionship and yes some great sex. But I want it all, not just in part.
So what do you do when you want the sausage? Well, LOL I came to blog. I shifted my focus. It's as easy as a phone call to have the company of a man, so I must be very careful and make an effort not to act impulsively off of my desires. See this is where we get in trouble. Instead of casting down that thought, intentionally squashing it, we often feed it, allow it to take hold, then next thing you know your taking the morning after pill. (extreme but real)
I posted today on my facebook page about being holy hoes....... you know folks who love the Lord but can't seem to keep our sex drives in check and under submission.
How and why does it get that out of control for us, so out of control that you can't seem to say no to sex? Why does our desire for companionship supersede our desire to please God? The world looks at us and doesn't see any difference in our behavior and that bothers me. Does it bother you? I never really thought about it as much as I do now...... because more and more I see the stronghold it has on the church body and how it hinders us. I see clearly because I'm clean and not in the sin..... the absence of the sin creates better visibility spiritually. I once was blind but now I see...
See now my moment has passed. I think I'll go watch my DVR recordings of Dr. Phil.
Smooches!!!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Letting Go When All The Signs Point To Exit
I was talking to a friend today and the subject came up about letting go of relationships. Whether romantic or just friendships, do you know how to let go? Do you pay attention to all the signs that point to the exit? Or do you hold on refusing to let go like a fat woman holding on to a snicker bar? I personally have a kung fu crip on my oatmeal raisin cookies ***** don't judge me.
I have found on many occasions I have refused to let go of relationships that needed to end, friendships & romantic ties. I have been one of those women with the savior complex, you know try to help everyone, never wanna give up on anyone. To a degree it's a great trait. I give a million and one chances. I mean God doesn't give up on u right?. However He will let us go....... He will release us in the wilderness of our disobedience, until such a time as we come to our senses. So sometimes we must also let others go into their wilderness & not allow them to drag us with them.
It is that million and one chance that can send you into a dark place, a lonely place, a depressed place, a dead place (just keeping it real). Yes your inability to let go when needed can indeed cost your life literally.
Ask yourself why you hold on, when all signs point to go. Ask yourself what the possible consequences can be if you hold on to the relationship.
I know for me it has cost me a lot of time..... time I could have spent doing more productive things then trying to convince someone to love me. Or time spent wanting the friendship to be more then what it was when you have made it clear I am not important to you as a friend.
Any relationship that does not add to your life in a positive way, is a relationship that needs to end. Any relationship that devalues you, or causes you to neglect yourself or others without good cause is a bad one. Any relationship that leaves you emotionally depleted no matter how much you work at it is not a good one.
Many relationships just run a course based on where we are in life, some are meant for a lifetime and some for a season, but there are some relationships we never should have gotten into to begin with. Some of us ignored the signs, passed go and collected $200 and are now living with our nightmare or suffered significant consequences as a result that damage our self esteem, hinder our spiritual growth and even caused us to abort God given dreams and purpose.
If this speaks to you in any way, don't be afraid to let go of the relationship that is holding you back. Head towards the exit. You will find, light, sunshine, fresh air await you for your obedience.
God always rewards obedience. ;*)
I have found on many occasions I have refused to let go of relationships that needed to end, friendships & romantic ties. I have been one of those women with the savior complex, you know try to help everyone, never wanna give up on anyone. To a degree it's a great trait. I give a million and one chances. I mean God doesn't give up on u right?. However He will let us go....... He will release us in the wilderness of our disobedience, until such a time as we come to our senses. So sometimes we must also let others go into their wilderness & not allow them to drag us with them.
It is that million and one chance that can send you into a dark place, a lonely place, a depressed place, a dead place (just keeping it real). Yes your inability to let go when needed can indeed cost your life literally.
Ask yourself why you hold on, when all signs point to go. Ask yourself what the possible consequences can be if you hold on to the relationship.
I know for me it has cost me a lot of time..... time I could have spent doing more productive things then trying to convince someone to love me. Or time spent wanting the friendship to be more then what it was when you have made it clear I am not important to you as a friend.
Any relationship that does not add to your life in a positive way, is a relationship that needs to end. Any relationship that devalues you, or causes you to neglect yourself or others without good cause is a bad one. Any relationship that leaves you emotionally depleted no matter how much you work at it is not a good one.
Many relationships just run a course based on where we are in life, some are meant for a lifetime and some for a season, but there are some relationships we never should have gotten into to begin with. Some of us ignored the signs, passed go and collected $200 and are now living with our nightmare or suffered significant consequences as a result that damage our self esteem, hinder our spiritual growth and even caused us to abort God given dreams and purpose.
If this speaks to you in any way, don't be afraid to let go of the relationship that is holding you back. Head towards the exit. You will find, light, sunshine, fresh air await you for your obedience.
God always rewards obedience. ;*)
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Do you want to make love or just have sex?
It's really quite amazing how God created us to connect with one another & how there truly is someone for everyone on many different levels.
There are different ways that we attract our mates, not just by physical (visual)attributes, but such things as your voice pattern can draw a person to you. I know this to be true.... as I have had many men that loved my voice. There is someone for everyone. I have even met men who I found visually attractive, but couldn't stand their voice pattern..... it just kind of made me cringe. Interesting isn't it? Did you know that everyone has a different voice pattern, like finger prints?..... So know that your father in heaven knows your voice when He hears you pray.
Moving on........ body language, eye contact and verbal communication is key to attraction that is long lasting.
Both men and women are big balls of hormones, but one reason that women connect to their partners more sexually is because we release more of a hormone called Oxytocin. This hormone is the bonding hormone, it's released during nursing and helps mommy bond to baby, and during sex when you have an orgasm. Men release it as well, and its released even with the touching of skin which is why raw unprotected sex drives us wild.
Ladies if you truly want a man to bond with you, there must be key elements in place for that to happen or he can and does possess the ability to hit it and quit it.
A man that does not ask you intimate questions or have a sincere desire to get to know you is not going to bond with you emotionally during sex. His brain must connect with you long before his sausage does. If your voice pattern does not attract him, which would lead him to want to hear you speak & body language do not mirror each other or he does not connect with you on an emotional level, the chemistry is superficial, purely lustful.
We often allow ourselves to engage in the superficial with the hopes that it will evolve into more, this is asking for trouble. Inevitably your doomed for failure.
Eye contact, body language, and intimate conversation are recipes for deep bonding. Remember the one you could talk to for hours, you wanted to spend all your time with? That's how it's supposed to be........ Ladies if he's not giving you all of him, then you shouldn't be giving him all of you. And the same goes for the guys. Guys if a woman isn't asking you lots of questions and I don't be drilling or third degree, just genuine interest about who you are... she is not that interested in you. Don't settle.
If people are avoiding phone conversations and only texting you, they are avoiding deep conversation and intimacy.......huge red flag. If there is not a mutual desire to spend time with each other, hang out do things, or it's all one sided..... have enough self esteem to move on.
Figuring out all these things takes some time, not a lot but enough which is why having sex prematurely or just because the SEXUAL chemistry is there is the worst thing you can do. After all is said and done, you then find out that the person is not even close to what you want in a mate and by then you have connected or bonded in a way that makes it difficult to let go. I've done this a couple of times...... have you?
Self control is very attractive to me in a man. If a man wants to take the time to get to know you, he's not going to even push for sex until he does, because a real man knows that making love is better then just screwing any day of the week. In other words if you wait to have sex instead of just jumping into bed with folks, you will learn there is a huge difference between having sex and making love. There is no comparing the two. Once you have enjoyed love, you don't want anything else. So don't settle, don't give in to the temptation of the flesh just for a momentary release.... hold out for the real deal.
Just my thoughts. What are yours?
There are different ways that we attract our mates, not just by physical (visual)attributes, but such things as your voice pattern can draw a person to you. I know this to be true.... as I have had many men that loved my voice. There is someone for everyone. I have even met men who I found visually attractive, but couldn't stand their voice pattern..... it just kind of made me cringe. Interesting isn't it? Did you know that everyone has a different voice pattern, like finger prints?..... So know that your father in heaven knows your voice when He hears you pray.
Moving on........ body language, eye contact and verbal communication is key to attraction that is long lasting.
Both men and women are big balls of hormones, but one reason that women connect to their partners more sexually is because we release more of a hormone called Oxytocin. This hormone is the bonding hormone, it's released during nursing and helps mommy bond to baby, and during sex when you have an orgasm. Men release it as well, and its released even with the touching of skin which is why raw unprotected sex drives us wild.
Ladies if you truly want a man to bond with you, there must be key elements in place for that to happen or he can and does possess the ability to hit it and quit it.
A man that does not ask you intimate questions or have a sincere desire to get to know you is not going to bond with you emotionally during sex. His brain must connect with you long before his sausage does. If your voice pattern does not attract him, which would lead him to want to hear you speak & body language do not mirror each other or he does not connect with you on an emotional level, the chemistry is superficial, purely lustful.
We often allow ourselves to engage in the superficial with the hopes that it will evolve into more, this is asking for trouble. Inevitably your doomed for failure.
Eye contact, body language, and intimate conversation are recipes for deep bonding. Remember the one you could talk to for hours, you wanted to spend all your time with? That's how it's supposed to be........ Ladies if he's not giving you all of him, then you shouldn't be giving him all of you. And the same goes for the guys. Guys if a woman isn't asking you lots of questions and I don't be drilling or third degree, just genuine interest about who you are... she is not that interested in you. Don't settle.
If people are avoiding phone conversations and only texting you, they are avoiding deep conversation and intimacy.......huge red flag. If there is not a mutual desire to spend time with each other, hang out do things, or it's all one sided..... have enough self esteem to move on.
Figuring out all these things takes some time, not a lot but enough which is why having sex prematurely or just because the SEXUAL chemistry is there is the worst thing you can do. After all is said and done, you then find out that the person is not even close to what you want in a mate and by then you have connected or bonded in a way that makes it difficult to let go. I've done this a couple of times...... have you?
Self control is very attractive to me in a man. If a man wants to take the time to get to know you, he's not going to even push for sex until he does, because a real man knows that making love is better then just screwing any day of the week. In other words if you wait to have sex instead of just jumping into bed with folks, you will learn there is a huge difference between having sex and making love. There is no comparing the two. Once you have enjoyed love, you don't want anything else. So don't settle, don't give in to the temptation of the flesh just for a momentary release.... hold out for the real deal.
Just my thoughts. What are yours?
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
The Real Test
I was just considering that for now I've been doing so well because I haven't really met anyone that truly tempted me to any degree I couldn't resist. I have not met anyone with the schmeckle de resistance (say this with French Accent) I am super hormonal right now and would love a good shag, but still it's not that serious because I don't have anyone I'm particularly tempted by to that degree, nope not even with offers from sexy chocolatay men who wanna, well you know & send me pictures. It's enough to get a girl a little hot and bothered so I asked my BFF if humping a hydrant would be considered FORNTICATION......... she said only if you managed to get off on said hydrant. ;*) touche!
The true test will come when I meet someone who I fall madly in love with. That hasn't happened yet and to be honest I can't wait for it to happen. When I start dating someone special then this blog will get really interesting.
What I have learned about sin & ones will however is that we can do as we will and desire to do, since I DESIRE to abstain it has become easier & easier. Sin actually requires effort you know. It doesn't just happen. You actually consider it and have a moment to resist. The moment you don't resist you then relinquish your will to that thing WILLINGLY.
As a matter of fact the most heinous of sins i.e. murder, adultry, etc.... require the most planning.
I have myself & known others (yes Christians) to go to great lengths to perpetrate some pretty avoidable sins.
I mean if you make the reservation at the hotel, you have gone above and beyond to ensure your going to make it happen right?
Why do we plan to fail instead of plan to succeed? The more effort you put into resistance the more results you will see in that area. The more effort you put into sin, you then will see the fruit of your labor. What ever you feed will grow & what ever you starve will die. I said this long ago on my facebook blog & Tyler Perry stole it!!! He said it on Oprah a few weeks ago.... LOL
Peace, Love, Joy, Blessings.
The true test will come when I meet someone who I fall madly in love with. That hasn't happened yet and to be honest I can't wait for it to happen. When I start dating someone special then this blog will get really interesting.
What I have learned about sin & ones will however is that we can do as we will and desire to do, since I DESIRE to abstain it has become easier & easier. Sin actually requires effort you know. It doesn't just happen. You actually consider it and have a moment to resist. The moment you don't resist you then relinquish your will to that thing WILLINGLY.
As a matter of fact the most heinous of sins i.e. murder, adultry, etc.... require the most planning.
I have myself & known others (yes Christians) to go to great lengths to perpetrate some pretty avoidable sins.
I mean if you make the reservation at the hotel, you have gone above and beyond to ensure your going to make it happen right?
Why do we plan to fail instead of plan to succeed? The more effort you put into resistance the more results you will see in that area. The more effort you put into sin, you then will see the fruit of your labor. What ever you feed will grow & what ever you starve will die. I said this long ago on my facebook blog & Tyler Perry stole it!!! He said it on Oprah a few weeks ago.... LOL
Peace, Love, Joy, Blessings.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Why Does Thou Tempt Me 2
Trust me when I say that I'm not surprised that I would have a increase of boldness in being approached by men as I have increased my boldness in abstinence and the encouragement thereof. So when I received a text message from an old boyfriend this weekend, I wasn't surprised or shocked.
Now mind you I haven't seen or been with this person in almost two years, he is actually currently engaged and about to be married. (doesn't that always happen)
As I lay down in my bed and I hear the sound of frogs ****insert sound affect. (my ringtone for txt) I pick up my phone and first wondered who it was since it showed a number and not a name. You know how that goes, you erase them, but clearly he didn't erase me.
Then I see the text which reads "I miss you and want to ****" I will leave the rest to your imagination.
I send a response of who is this? I get a response of wow have you erased me so easily? This is Blank.
My response: I erased you long ago and you should erase me, especially since your getting married.
His response: Oh I could never erase you
My response: Please try
His response: Oh like that?
My response: Yes like that
His response: Well I miss you, can we just watch a movie or something. I need to talk to you.
My response: No that won't work for me, It's not appropriate anymore, besides you have no intention on watching anything.
His response: I promise I'll be good
My response: Go to bed, this moment will pass. Go get your fiance, that's what she's for and leave me alone
His response: Ok, if that's how you feel
My response: Yes that's how I feel, goodnite
Now in this case familiarity and comfort could have easily led to disaster. I must say the devil has impeccable timing. I was feeling particularly hormonal and would have loved to satisfy my urges the way grown folks do.
It's often very difficult to break away from old flames, even when they are dating other people. You may have broken up for other reasons, but sexual compatibility wasn't one of them. That was this case.
Thing is he knows I am abstaining from sex because that is one of the reasons he didn't stick around. While we were dating I told him that I couldn't continue to vex my spirit or Gods & that God was more important to me then he was. I gave him the opportunity to be with me in spirit and forge a wonderful relationship based on a better foundation then sex, but he chose to move on. Oddly enough, the next woman he met he decided to marry. Story of my life.
Back to the moral of the story, don't allow the comfort and familiarity of an old flame to draw you back into temptation. It happens very easily & very quickly. Those soul ties can go on for years. Mine did.
Any man that is willing to continue to engage with you sexually but not truly commit to you needs to be removed from your life. Rest assured while your waiting for him to love you the way you deserve he already knows your NOT the one,but he's willing to take what you will give him until the RIGHT one comes along.
Self respect & dignity are worth far more than a few moments of pleasure.
Now mind you I haven't seen or been with this person in almost two years, he is actually currently engaged and about to be married. (doesn't that always happen)
As I lay down in my bed and I hear the sound of frogs ****insert sound affect. (my ringtone for txt) I pick up my phone and first wondered who it was since it showed a number and not a name. You know how that goes, you erase them, but clearly he didn't erase me.
Then I see the text which reads "I miss you and want to ****" I will leave the rest to your imagination.
I send a response of who is this? I get a response of wow have you erased me so easily? This is Blank.
My response: I erased you long ago and you should erase me, especially since your getting married.
His response: Oh I could never erase you
My response: Please try
His response: Oh like that?
My response: Yes like that
His response: Well I miss you, can we just watch a movie or something. I need to talk to you.
My response: No that won't work for me, It's not appropriate anymore, besides you have no intention on watching anything.
His response: I promise I'll be good
My response: Go to bed, this moment will pass. Go get your fiance, that's what she's for and leave me alone
His response: Ok, if that's how you feel
My response: Yes that's how I feel, goodnite
Now in this case familiarity and comfort could have easily led to disaster. I must say the devil has impeccable timing. I was feeling particularly hormonal and would have loved to satisfy my urges the way grown folks do.
It's often very difficult to break away from old flames, even when they are dating other people. You may have broken up for other reasons, but sexual compatibility wasn't one of them. That was this case.
Thing is he knows I am abstaining from sex because that is one of the reasons he didn't stick around. While we were dating I told him that I couldn't continue to vex my spirit or Gods & that God was more important to me then he was. I gave him the opportunity to be with me in spirit and forge a wonderful relationship based on a better foundation then sex, but he chose to move on. Oddly enough, the next woman he met he decided to marry. Story of my life.
Back to the moral of the story, don't allow the comfort and familiarity of an old flame to draw you back into temptation. It happens very easily & very quickly. Those soul ties can go on for years. Mine did.
Any man that is willing to continue to engage with you sexually but not truly commit to you needs to be removed from your life. Rest assured while your waiting for him to love you the way you deserve he already knows your NOT the one,but he's willing to take what you will give him until the RIGHT one comes along.
Self respect & dignity are worth far more than a few moments of pleasure.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Why Does Thou Tempt Me!
Why does thou tempt me!!!! Why did I get an unsolicited picture message of someone who apparently wanted to tempt me into "spending time with him" (He's been trying for a while but I'm not interested). It was a great picture, looked like a playgirl pictorial. Not full nudity which was much appreciated cuz I have gotten unsolicited pics of the sausage before & it ain't pleasant. I'm always left feeling blinded. This however was very tastefully done (you could tell it was professional), but definitely provocative. Well build, dark chocolate, laying on a bed of satin sheets with a part of the sheet strategically covering the schmeckle, six pack for days, arms that were what do they call them? "Guns" that's it! I have a weakness for strong arms. :*)
My response: Why did you send me this
His response: So you can see what your missing
My response: What am I missing
His response: All this
My response: Oh cool, so what are we doing for Valentines Day?
His response: Huh?
My response: Well I mean I'm sure I'm the only one your sending this pic to and inviting to enjoy your dark chocolaty goodness right? So of course you want to spend quality time with me right? (of course it was said sarcastically)
His response: *********************************************** nothing
After I got a good laugh, and looked at the picture from a few angles (tilting head to the side), I deleted it. No sense in having that around.
The Lord never tempts us but man does. God only uses the opportunities to teach us how to resist or show us we can resist for He said there is always a way of escape. We often just don't choose to take it.
Now how easy would it have been to accept the invitation, enjoy a moment of pleasure (maybe) then wind up feeling like a used piece of crap when all was said and done.
Day 28: Doing great, feeling great about doing great. Glad that I wasn't tempted cuz once upon a time I would have been, cuz the boy was fine yall! But this time I just thought it was funny. #sonotthatserious
My response: Why did you send me this
His response: So you can see what your missing
My response: What am I missing
His response: All this
My response: Oh cool, so what are we doing for Valentines Day?
His response: Huh?
My response: Well I mean I'm sure I'm the only one your sending this pic to and inviting to enjoy your dark chocolaty goodness right? So of course you want to spend quality time with me right? (of course it was said sarcastically)
His response: *********************************************** nothing
After I got a good laugh, and looked at the picture from a few angles (tilting head to the side), I deleted it. No sense in having that around.
The Lord never tempts us but man does. God only uses the opportunities to teach us how to resist or show us we can resist for He said there is always a way of escape. We often just don't choose to take it.
Now how easy would it have been to accept the invitation, enjoy a moment of pleasure (maybe) then wind up feeling like a used piece of crap when all was said and done.
Day 28: Doing great, feeling great about doing great. Glad that I wasn't tempted cuz once upon a time I would have been, cuz the boy was fine yall! But this time I just thought it was funny. #sonotthatserious
Monday, January 24, 2011
Skeletons in the closet
Do you have any skeletons in the closet? I can honestly say I don't. I got rid of all my skeletons to make room for my shoes. :*)
There is a liberation in transparency. I can truly say that honesty is the best policy if you desire to transform or change. This doesn't mean that you owe anyone explanations, but certainly you should have nothing to hide. Most often we are hiding from ourselves. Believe it or not, your ability to be transparent helps others to be transparent as well. Those that do not accept you for your good and bad are not meant to be in your life, so move on and keep on keepin it real.
In my post about hypocrisy I spoke about my journal & how I used to write as though someone was going to read it. I was scared someone might read it & what they might think of me if they did. Some of the deepest secrets, feelings, thoughts that only God knows. That's powerful. But what I found to be more powerful was once I got it on paper it no longer had power over me.
Once I was able to put on paper the truths about my shortcomings, deficiencies & sins they no longer had power over me.
Among the entries would be my heart breaking admissions of when I had sex with my long time soul tie. Couldn't seem to get that man out of my system. But my soul and spirit were vexed every time we were together. Why? Because I knew he wasn't for me & so did God. Why was it so hard to let go? Why was I willing to allow myself to be with a man I knew didn't love, he only enjoyed having sex with me, and I certainly enjoyed having sex with him. The chemistry was amazing. See that's what gets us sucked in. I always wanted more from him, but somehow deep down new I would never have it. Why was I willing to settle for what he gave me?
As I would make accounts of our interactions & the deficiencies in the relationship in my journal, I would begin to go back and read them. There was something sobering about putting it all on paper.
I began to see what I couldn't see before, my low self esteem, my need for love & lack of it in the relationship. I even laughed at myself. It was funny. I couldn't believe I was being so stupid. Being transparent in my journal brought what was in the darkness of my mind way in the back to the forefront & light.
Remember what stays in the dark will never be healed, but fester & spread like cancer.
There is a liberation in transparency. I can truly say that honesty is the best policy if you desire to transform or change. This doesn't mean that you owe anyone explanations, but certainly you should have nothing to hide. Most often we are hiding from ourselves. Believe it or not, your ability to be transparent helps others to be transparent as well. Those that do not accept you for your good and bad are not meant to be in your life, so move on and keep on keepin it real.
In my post about hypocrisy I spoke about my journal & how I used to write as though someone was going to read it. I was scared someone might read it & what they might think of me if they did. Some of the deepest secrets, feelings, thoughts that only God knows. That's powerful. But what I found to be more powerful was once I got it on paper it no longer had power over me.
Once I was able to put on paper the truths about my shortcomings, deficiencies & sins they no longer had power over me.
Among the entries would be my heart breaking admissions of when I had sex with my long time soul tie. Couldn't seem to get that man out of my system. But my soul and spirit were vexed every time we were together. Why? Because I knew he wasn't for me & so did God. Why was it so hard to let go? Why was I willing to allow myself to be with a man I knew didn't love, he only enjoyed having sex with me, and I certainly enjoyed having sex with him. The chemistry was amazing. See that's what gets us sucked in. I always wanted more from him, but somehow deep down new I would never have it. Why was I willing to settle for what he gave me?
As I would make accounts of our interactions & the deficiencies in the relationship in my journal, I would begin to go back and read them. There was something sobering about putting it all on paper.
I began to see what I couldn't see before, my low self esteem, my need for love & lack of it in the relationship. I even laughed at myself. It was funny. I couldn't believe I was being so stupid. Being transparent in my journal brought what was in the darkness of my mind way in the back to the forefront & light.
Remember what stays in the dark will never be healed, but fester & spread like cancer.
Hunter or Hunted
Some men are aggressive & some aren't. Some women are aggressive & some aren't. Which do you prefer in the opposite sex? If your a woman who doesn't mind approaching man, how do you do it in a classy way without appearing easy?
If your a man who is not aggressive & prefers women to come to you can you tell me why? Also how do you like a woman to approach you if she does?
If your a man who is not aggressive & prefers women to come to you can you tell me why? Also how do you like a woman to approach you if she does?
Friday, January 21, 2011
Cookie Power
A person recently stated that I USE sex as power by abstaining or withholding it. Do you suppose there is any truth to that? Does the cookie have that much power over men?
Why yes, yes it does... & if women really understood that, we wouldn't have so many men misbehaving! LOL
Now keep your cookies in the package until the man is willing to buy the cookie jar to put them in.
I mean really, can you go into a store & eat the cookies out of the package on the shelf without buying them?
Have you ever walked into a store and seen a package of cookies just opened with cookies missing? LOL
Stop giving the cookie monster the cookies before he pays for them....
May the force be with you ladies ;*)
****note day 21 getting a little hormonal but all is well.
Why yes, yes it does... & if women really understood that, we wouldn't have so many men misbehaving! LOL
Now keep your cookies in the package until the man is willing to buy the cookie jar to put them in.
I mean really, can you go into a store & eat the cookies out of the package on the shelf without buying them?
Have you ever walked into a store and seen a package of cookies just opened with cookies missing? LOL
Stop giving the cookie monster the cookies before he pays for them....
May the force be with you ladies ;*)
****note day 21 getting a little hormonal but all is well.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Waking The Walk Not Just Talking the Talk A View Into Hypocrisy
- That was good commentary - thanks for sharing. I have a question that maybe a little off topic. I used to be a Christian; not sure what to call myself these days. Anyway, what is your opinion on Christians who struggle with issues, in this case lets say sexual sin just to stay on course who go out of their way to testify in front of the Church, write books, give seminars about being set free from a life time of sexual bondage and promiscuity only to find themselves in a hole darker and deeper than ever before six months later ? How do those of us on the outside desiring to come into Christ but struggling with what appears to be hypocrisy in the Church find understanding in this type of behavior ? For example, I know a guy who said he would never violate a woman's body by committing sexual acts with her because her body emulates the temple of God. Now, months later he's screwing her on the regular. You mentioned guiding our youth, however how can that be done we the Christian adults are not practicing what they preach. When everyday that talk about save the children and every other night he's *ucking her like she's a prostitute (no boundaries kinda sex) I know once you repent that God forgives but is it that simple ? Can he get his dick sucked tonight and repent in morning and do this every night and then repent every morning claiming that he's only human. He once blamed her for it, said she has a dominating spirit of lust on her that causes everyone she encounters to succumb to her lustful desires. (man or woman) He even compared her to some whore woman in the bible. At what point should he go back to the Church and admit that he's failed again instead of faking the funk every Sunday morning. At what point does he admit that he's more than just a friend to her and their friendship has become inappropriate? And if God brought them together it certainly wasn't to fornicate, so won't sexing block God's original intentions for them ? But yet, they continually make excuses to work together and be together all the time. Not to mention that he sexes other women as well from time to time but that doesn't count ?? Can we really be set free when we constantly lie to ourselves and others about what a situation really is ? Can a child molester write a kids book because of his love for children and say his personal life isn't relevant to his calling ? I was out with some friends last night and this conversation came up. Can we blog about it for a second ? Well Anonymous lets do this. I will comment to respond.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Sexual Soul Ties, The Most Common Bondage
I think it's important that we know why pre-marital sex is not appropriate as a Christian & it's important that we tell young people so that they understand just how serious it is. While people make lite of sex with multiple partners, there is serious damage being done spiritually. Our failure to discern these things & the lack of teaching in churches is why fornication is one of the biggest issues in the church. It's the enemies most common tool & we fall for it hook line and sinker every time.
A soul tie is a spiritual connection between our soul and that of another person. Soul ties are important to address in sex addiction because they can hold us back from achieving complete victory over our addiction.
There are good soul ties and bad soul ties. Good soul ties are commonly created in marriage and healthy friendships (Malachi 2:15; Genesis 2:24, 1 Chronicles 12:17, Colossians 2:2). Bad soul ties are created through sinful relationships and/or activities. Examples of situations that could create bad soul ties:
How to know if you have a bad soul tie:
A Strategic Prayer to break free from this bondage:
"Father God, I thank you for saving me from destruction. I praise you for sending Jesus to die for my sins. Please forgive me for my sins against you. Specifically, I confess that I ______________(details of the sin & names). I repent of that sin and renounce it now. Lord, please purify my heart from this sin, the memory of it and any associated fantasy I have entertained in my mind regarding it. In the name of Jesus Christ and by the power of his blood shed on the cross, I cut myself free from any soul ties that may have been established with _______ (name (s) or specific objects). I commit him/her/them to the care of Jesus Christ for him to do with as he wills. Satan, I rebuke you in all your works and ways. I rebuke any evil spirits that have a foothold in me. In the name of Jesus, I command you evil spirits to leave me and go directly to Jesus Christ. Father, please heal my soul of any wounds resulting from these soul ties. Please reintegrate any part of me that may have been detained through this/these soul ties and restore me to wholeness. I also ask that you will reintegrate any part of the person(s) I sinned with that has been detained in me, and restore them to wholeness. Thank you, Lord, for your healing power and your perfect love for me. May I glorify you with my life from this point forward. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Do you have any soul ties you need to be delivered from?
Tell me about some of your worst soul ties.
A soul tie is a spiritual connection between our soul and that of another person. Soul ties are important to address in sex addiction because they can hold us back from achieving complete victory over our addiction.
There are good soul ties and bad soul ties. Good soul ties are commonly created in marriage and healthy friendships (Malachi 2:15; Genesis 2:24, 1 Chronicles 12:17, Colossians 2:2). Bad soul ties are created through sinful relationships and/or activities. Examples of situations that could create bad soul ties:
- Sex sin: Sex unites people physically, emotionally and spiritually. If we have sex with people other than our spouse, we create soul ties that cause all kinds of problems (spiritual confusion, emotional confusion, sex addiction, compulsivity, obsession, etc.).
- Looking at sex images, memories, objects and fetishes: These activities can establish a soul tie with an evil spirit. An example of this is found in Hosea 4:17 when Ephraim became joined with his idols. A tie may not be established in every instance, but it is certainly possible. Example objects: a favorite porn depiction, a garment worn by a former lover, pictures of former lovers, a cherished sexual memory.
- Sexual abuse/molestation: This can result in soul ties between the perpetrator and the victim. If you have been involved in sexual abuse, please seek healing prayer and Christian counsel as you proceed in your journey to freedom.
- "Unhealthy" relationships: Examples include relationships characterized by manipulation, guilt, emotional abuse, co-dependency, unnatural affection, envy and/or lust.
How to know if you have a bad soul tie:
- Ask the Lord: Take a moment to ask God in prayer to show you if you have soul ties that need to be severed. If the Lord brings people to mind or you think there is a possibility of a soul tie, proceed to pray to cut the soul tie.
- Look at the fruit: A way to determine the nature of a soul tie is to examine its fruit (Matthew 7:16-18). Good soul ties will bear good fruit; examples being love, blessing, fidelity, loyalty, honor, righteousness, etc. The overall effect of the good soul tie will be to strengthen our emotional wholeness and our walk with God. Bad soul ties will bear bad fruit, examples being hatred, resentment, curses, manipulation, anger, strife, jealousy, control, bitterness, etc. The overall effect of bad soul ties will be to hold us back from enjoying our relationship with God and to keep us in bondage to whatever we struggle with.
A Strategic Prayer to break free from this bondage:
"Father God, I thank you for saving me from destruction. I praise you for sending Jesus to die for my sins. Please forgive me for my sins against you. Specifically, I confess that I ______________(details of the sin & names). I repent of that sin and renounce it now. Lord, please purify my heart from this sin, the memory of it and any associated fantasy I have entertained in my mind regarding it. In the name of Jesus Christ and by the power of his blood shed on the cross, I cut myself free from any soul ties that may have been established with _______ (name (s) or specific objects). I commit him/her/them to the care of Jesus Christ for him to do with as he wills. Satan, I rebuke you in all your works and ways. I rebuke any evil spirits that have a foothold in me. In the name of Jesus, I command you evil spirits to leave me and go directly to Jesus Christ. Father, please heal my soul of any wounds resulting from these soul ties. Please reintegrate any part of me that may have been detained through this/these soul ties and restore me to wholeness. I also ask that you will reintegrate any part of the person(s) I sinned with that has been detained in me, and restore them to wholeness. Thank you, Lord, for your healing power and your perfect love for me. May I glorify you with my life from this point forward. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Do you have any soul ties you need to be delivered from?
Tell me about some of your worst soul ties.
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