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Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Christians Don't Date

I was asked a question recently about dating.  The question was "what does the bible say about dating".  My response to that was NOTHING.  And it's true.  There is no biblical reference to dating or anything like it.  The key to ANY relationship is foundation however and the bible speaks on that plenty.

You see dating is for the world, Christians are supposed to court one another.  I find it interesting that this is not more prominently spoken about in church so that we as Christian singles have a better chance at success when it comes to the issue of purity.  We do better when we know better.

We as Christians are supposed to form COVENANTS. When a man & woman meet in Christ, they are "Brother" & "Sister"..... not incestuous of course, but meaning the relationship should be pure in intention & act until such a time as it's appropriate. We are to build a foundation of love and trust, sharpen one another and the relationship will either evolve into a covenant of marriage or dissolve because there was no compatibility. All this should take place prior to sexual contact.  Basic displays of affection, such as hugging, kissing, holding hands etc.... are essential however to establish a romantic connection and a desire for intimacy but of course in moderation lest you get all hot and bothered and wanna jump into bed.  Been there done that.  I love kissing & have been known to set a man on fire a time or two in my life time. ***wink

What I find interesting is not to many Christians truly subscribe to this process, mind set or lifestyle.  As a matter of fact it's considered to be rigid, stuffy, religious etc.....Heck I can say if you said this to me a few years ago, I would have looked at you crazy to.  Why?  Because it's so contrary to how we do things in the world.....

If I could meet a Christian man that understood this for real, and made a sincere effort in this manner I think I might pass out.  I mean "Christian" men have said to me there is no way they would marry a woman they haven't had sex with.  As a matter of fact, once a man realizes that I have shut down the cookie factory, he walks away so fast you would swear I farted on his best suit. 

There are elements of dating in courtship, such as going out to dinners, movies, other activities.... but the basic concept of courtship is that the point is it will eventually lead to marriage.  There is a serious PURPOSE to the dating and the element of casual sex is not supposed to be a part of courtship.

Hey, even Steve Harvey said in his book a woman should never have sex with a man until he has dated her for at least 90 days which would indicate that he is interested in more then just your goodies. 

In 90 days of sincere courtship.... two people should be able to get to know each other in such a deep fashion that they can easily determine whether or not they could conceive of marriage.  If those two people are healthy spiritually and emotionally and are transparent, with the right chemistry, it should be easy.  If your not compatible, then you can walk away, no harm no foul, and no soul ties from premature sexual contact.

My question is how do you meet the ones who are sincere, healthy, and desirous of a relationship that will lead to marriage as apposed to the the ones who aren't.  It seems to be a hit and miss here in good old LA.  Even some I meet who say they are serious aren't so serious after all.  Now this is not true of all of them... but as for someone I have that chemistry with, no success yet.

What do you think about Christians and dating?


  1. I think that it's a nefarious plot by the bloodsucking merchants to absorb a man's resources in teh vain hope that the elusive firl of his dreams will be convinced by hi sshowy display of largess to exchange her heart for his generosity!

    SEriously, though, I think that it is a clever trap foisted on humans by our adversary to cause men and women to view each other as tools, means to an end, rather than as people whom we are seeking to develop a real, lasting connection.

  2. I was with you until I read "I love kissing & have been known to set a man on fire a time or two in my life time. ***wink"

    At the very least this is unhelpful to the weaker brethren amongst us.

    Please consider.

  3. I've never been so confused in my life.