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Saturday, February 5, 2011

Do you want to make love or just have sex?

It's really quite amazing how God created us to connect with one another & how there truly is someone for everyone on many different levels.

There are different ways that we attract our mates, not just by physical (visual)attributes, but such things as your voice pattern can draw a person to you.  I know this to be true.... as I have had many men that loved my voice.   There is someone for everyone.  I have even met men who I found visually attractive, but couldn't stand their voice pattern..... it just kind of made me cringe.  Interesting isn't it?  Did you know that everyone has a different voice pattern, like finger prints?..... So know that your father in heaven knows your voice when He hears you pray.

Moving on........ body language, eye contact and verbal communication is key to attraction that is long lasting.

Both men and women are big balls of hormones, but one reason that women connect to their partners more sexually is because we release more of a hormone called Oxytocin.  This hormone is the bonding hormone, it's released during nursing and helps mommy bond to baby, and during sex when you have an orgasm.  Men release it as well, and its released even with the touching of skin which is why raw unprotected sex drives us wild.

Ladies if you truly want a man to bond with you, there must be key elements in place for that to happen or he can and does possess the ability to hit it and quit it.

A man that does not ask you intimate questions or have a sincere desire to get to know you is not going to bond with you emotionally during sex.  His brain must connect with you long before his sausage does.   If your voice pattern does not attract him, which would lead him to want to hear you speak & body language do not mirror each other or he does not connect with you on an emotional level,  the chemistry is superficial, purely lustful.

We often allow ourselves to engage in the superficial with the hopes that it will evolve into more, this is asking for trouble.  Inevitably your doomed for failure.

Eye contact, body language, and intimate conversation are recipes for deep bonding.  Remember the one you could talk to for hours, you wanted to spend all your time with?  That's how it's supposed to be........  Ladies if he's not giving you all of him, then you shouldn't be giving him all of you.  And the same goes for the guys.  Guys if a woman isn't asking you lots of questions and I don't be drilling or third degree, just genuine interest about who you are... she is not that interested in you.   Don't settle.

If people are avoiding phone conversations and only texting you, they are avoiding deep conversation and intimacy.......huge red flag.  If there is not a mutual desire to spend time with each other, hang out do things, or it's all one sided..... have enough self esteem to move on.

Figuring out all these things takes some time, not a lot but enough which is why having sex prematurely or just because the SEXUAL chemistry is there is the worst thing you can do.  After all is said and done, you then find out that the person is not even close to what you want in a mate and by then you have connected or bonded in a way that makes it difficult to let go.   I've done this a couple of times...... have you?

Self control is very attractive to me in a man.  If a man wants to take the time to get to know you, he's not going to even push for sex until he does, because a real man knows that making love is better then just screwing any day of the week.  In other words if you wait to have sex instead of just jumping into bed with folks, you will learn there is a huge difference between having sex and making love.  There is no comparing the two.  Once you have enjoyed love, you don't want anything else.  So don't settle, don't give in to the temptation of the flesh just for a momentary release....  hold out for the real deal.

Just my thoughts.  What are yours?


  1. I wonder how all of this plays into online social meeting sites. They sell thenselves on tehpremise that you will have already connected personally by the time you meet physically. How has this affected the bonding dynamic?

  2. Well you can indeed connect emotionally before you ever connect physically. I have done a little online dating myself and can attest to meeting people that I was able to connect with on a mental level, prior to actually meeting them. The thing is that once you meet personally, if the chemistry does not match in person it won't work.

    There is a specific recipe for each person that has the potential to create the best bond you've ever had, and apparently it's not as easy to find as you would think.

    Those who find love are very fortunate and should be thankful.