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Sunday, March 6, 2011

Birthday Girl

Well it's my birthday again... yep one every year!  This makes 41 years strong and I thank God for every year good and bad.

It's been a while since I've posted and for good reason.  I've been taking many moments to reflect and be quiet these days as I have felt the attack of the enemy from every direction in the last few weeks, several months actually but particularly the last few weeks.  Yes in the area of sexual desires since that is what this blog is about mainly but in so many other areas as well.

As for my abstinence I have been struggling quite a bit... definitely a season of high desire.  Not for any particular reason that I can see other then hormones...except that I also perceive an attack of the enemy on my mind.  Yes I said it.... for those of you who understand that we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against spiritual principalities in high places (Ephesians 6:12)  you know what I mean.  I can tell when sexual thoughts come from ME versus the enemy.  I have had quite a few men "hit me up".... wanting to entice me.  A couple with the offer of "just oral sex" as I'm sure quite a few of you have gotten, you know that offer that most often leads to way more?  I almost gave into one offer... considered it for far too long and actually responded with consideration????  WTH????  I had to shake it off. What was I thinking..... I know what I was thinking... I was thinking a nice orgasm would be great right about now.  Boy it took a minute to shake that one off and I actually felt super guilty for even considering it.  What kind of example would that be???

Since the purpose of this blog is to encourage people to abstain from sex or overcome sexual bondage it stands to reason I have an enemy who desires to take me out of play.  Dramatic?  Not really, it's a reality when you understand the spirit realm and not just the realm of the flesh.  See folks will believe in all that psychic crap but won't believe in the Biblical truths about the spirit realm.

The other area of attack in my life has been on the health of myself and family members seemingly all at once.  Last year in December I wound up in the hospital with symptoms of heart issues... I almost blew my top.  Unfortunately what comes with the territory of diabetes is heart disease.... a wake up call for me to take better care of myself.  Next My brother is diagnosed with thyroid cancer, my sister-in-law is in need of surgery and I again just this week wind up in the hospital again, this time faced with possible surgery for ovarian cysts that caused so much pain I couldn't walk.  BUT GOD!!!!  Oh and the morphine drip was amaZing!  LOL

As my boy Broderick said..... they turned me into a junky.... now they tryin to send me to rehab & I said  NO NO NO.... LOL

Anywho, those things on top of several deaths even multiple deaths in single families over the last few months in our church has just been a heavy burden spiritually.  Your prayers are much appreciated.

I know there are others dealing with far more & I get the burden of intercession quite frequently... but that on top of my own stuff can just be heavy.

I was feeling a little down today because yet another birthday is upon me and it seems as though I am not where I had hoped to be or want to be in many areas of my life.  There is never anyone to blame but self in these situations as I am in control of my life and choices... but none the less it has caused me to pause and reflect on my goals, desires & how I'm going about them.

God is never done working on us or through us, and as long as I remain yielded I know He can and will use me, I was just hoping some things would happen a little quicker then they are.  In thinking on that there is no time like the appointed time... so no point in rushing things but I think I'm excited to see what God has in store.  Last year was a year of revelation into my gifting.... God revealed a lot of the anointing on my life, He revealed how I would be used and it's overwhelming yet exciting to consider. After all that excitement the early part of this year is a little anti climactic... in more ways then one.... *****cheeseburger grin for those who get it.

Any how I've missed those of you who enjoy the blog... I've missed writing.  I hope folks will start participating more so I can see it's worth it.

What a woman wants for her birthday this year is just the continued love and support of her friends and family blood and extended through Christ.


  1. I love you! Keep strong and I hope your birthday was filled with love and happy moments... and CAKE!

  2. @Marina, I love you too girlie... Thank you.... I had cheesecake! :*) Not as good as morphine but good..... LOL